haha you stupid bitch, KILL yourself.

Mon, 24 Nov 2003 20:28:47 GMT

oh.. and i just ordered the BEST shoes ever.

neon green. and next week im ordering the neon pink. HOT HOT HOT.

Mon, 24 Nov 2003 19:42:20 GMT

yesterday was good.

shopping with andy. we got hot chocolate and cinnabon. saw chris. muthafuckin RUBEN<3 i have missed that guy so much. andy and kasper came down to the club. kaspers first strip club. he was beyond nervous.. it was adorable.

after work kayla, athena, persephony and i went to the empress to "check out the competition." and we actually ended up having a really good time. which means we stayed until close. they only had three girls working.. and we definitely threw up a fuckin grip for each one of em. kayla and athena even bought floor dances from this one bad ass girl.. who NEEDS to come work at the ranch. she would make bank. i ended up spending over half of what i made last night on these girls. and even tho that place is raunchy looking and could use a good fuckin cleaning.. i gotta give props to those girls for working their thang with the bar that high. that shit is hard to do.

after empress i stopped at the circle k with the gorgeous boy. and stopping at circle k will be worked into my nightly plan until i actually grow enough balls to talk to this guy. what is it about boys with messy hair and piercings who listen to blink 182 that drives me mad? soo hot. he WILL be mine.

i was gonna go into work tonight.. but my side hurts way too much. FUCK coughing. i'll just go in and hang out. because like i said before.. i fucking LOVE those girls.

this a LOVE post...

Sun, 23 Nov 2003 22:20:03 GMT

... because it has to be known that I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD. and why? because i work with the hottest and most bad ass girls ever. EVER. <3

i fucking love them. and i can't wait for the bunny ranch scrap book to start getting pieced together. [best idea ever, angel<3]

today rules.
fuck being at home.
im going shopping.

Fri, 21 Nov 2003 17:13:42 GMT

ok. if you look like blossom [im talking the hair here] at age 14 and you wear black lipstick and upside down crosses and disgusting long green skirts and VELVET tops with black stilettos and cotton socks.. you should be shot.

that is NOT hot. im definitely not impressed with the new girls they hired. and all the girls coming over from the empress.. how about you just DONT?

there IS such a thing as hiring too many girls. this is getting ridiculous.

and i get to spend my afternoon with all these lovely young girls. downtown. in an office building. for three fucking hours. YAY.

today is going to be fun...

<3

Thu, 20 Nov 2003 23:33:19 GMT

TalkDirtytoMe77 [4:29 PM]: so i challenged all of indianapolis.

haha what else is there to do?

by the way. indianapolis would lose.

Tue, 18 Nov 2003 19:16:49 GMT

so i havent updated in a really long time. i havent even touched a computer in a really long time.

actually.. today is the first day i have been out of bed in over a week. last monday i had my tonsils taken out. and seriously.. it has been the WORST experience of my entire fucking life. i can't eat. i can't talk. i've spent the whole week puking up medicine and blood. and i am now weighing in at a steady 107. if anyone wants to lose weight... just have your fuckin tonsils removed. although i do not fuckin wish this upon anyone.

so about a week and a half ago beau and jew came to visit me. and it was awesome. damn you jew for kidnapping my beau to phoenix! i seriously love beau more than any of you faggots. and i dont care what anyone says about him.. he is a great friend. and only a great friend would do what he did. thank you beau. you mean a lot to me<333

speaking of. so before i got my tonsils removed.. they drug tested me. UH OH! ALL TESTS CAME OUT NEGATIVE YOU FUCKING GOSSIPING LITTLE LIFELESS QUEENS. that means.. stop spreading false rumors about me ;) and do something better with your time. i don't smoke crack. and im not a junkie. GET.OVER.IT.

tricia and nadia and i are looking for a house. um can we say dyke central?! <3
i've been hanging out with kids from high school. and it's been amazing.
i haven't seen jorge in a really long time. and i miss him.
i want chicken strips so bad.
tricia stopped by my house this week to drop off a billion star and get well balloons and a ton of pretty flowers<3 i love her.
jesse finally called. too bad i couldn't talk. he kept calling. and kept calling.
until my sister picked up and told him the situation. and he left his number and said to have me call him asap. that he "missed" me. TOUCHDOWN!!!
i miss all the girls. this is so shitty. i wish i could just go down there and see everyone.

and now. its time to go attempt to down some soup broth. i doubt this is going to turn out good.

Mon, 03 Nov 2003 14:47:23 GMT

um. so. jorge got shot yesterday morning :(

he's in icu.....

and im fucking freaking out. he is the best guy friend i have ever fucking had.

the one time i decide to make a stop before going to andys.. and a fuckin drive by happens. it turned into a shoot out.. mike and andy fired over 20 rounds each. the guys got away..

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. this is so fucking unreal. make it go away....

today was a good day.

Wed, 29 Oct 2003 11:13:03 GMT

tonight i ran into two kids that i went to middle school and high school with. two kids who made not only my life, but my brothers as well, a living fucking hell. these were two kids who actually made me dread going to school, and who i actually hid from out of fear of being made fun of and singled out and embarassed. these kids THREW shit at me all day. and tripped me.

and.. they apologized for everything they had ever done or said. and had nothing but nice things to say to my face.

which shocked me. but completely made my day. actually.. my WEEK.

and i'll be seeing them.. along with all the other kids who made my school years HELL.. this weekend.

and im actually looking forward to it..

someone please shoot me... im in LOVE.

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 00:29:13 GMT

"spend all your time waiting for that THIRD chance. for a break that would make it ok.
there's always some reason to feel not good enough.
and its hard at the end of the day. i need some distraction
oh beautiful release. memories seep through my viens"

reading your words and wishing they were about me. what a silly little dream. but im more than wishing. im longing and hoping and even in my head IMAGINING that they ARE. but that's just foolish.

in the dark with my back towards you. i could say anything i wanted.
and it was easy.

i've never spoken such truths. and it was never that easy.

that ease has changed to fear. and the lights have been turned back on.
i can't face you. let alone utter out a single emotion.
your smile is still burned into my thoughts. it was dark but i could see you so clear.
and the butterflies in my stomach reminded me to be scared.
because i had never been so close to something so beautiful before.

i lost grasp of what it could have been.

nothing lasts forever. but i wanted this to.
and even today... i will give ANYTHING.
i will even give up.

im in the money.. im in the money! $$$

Mon, 20 Oct 2003 21:47:45 GMT

it's weird how things turn out.

i plan on a REALLY huge update for later on.

what i want to say right now is:
i made BANK last night. not as much as tricia.. but SHE is beyond amazing<3
im glad im talking to her again. and hanging out with her.
she has supported me and has had my back. just like she has since day one.
and just like she will continue to do<3
i have pissed off my two best friends. and i sincerely apologize for it.

i don't mean to be a bad friend. but i guess i am.
but i dont want to LOSE friends over this.

especially two friends who i consider to be the best things to ever happen to me.

....new.job....

Fri, 17 Oct 2003 23:27:53 GMT

just a heads up for anyone who lives in tucson.. i started at the bunny ranch yesterday.

so.. that was your warning. and now when you go in and see me. don't act surprised<3

ps. drew is my new coach/manager. and he is bringing axtionfest to me. which is why he rules so much harder than everyone else.

oh, and. spare me any negative comments you may have about this. some of you don't agree, and that's just fucking great. but i honestly could give a shit about your feelings towards it. so don't even bother<33

this is why coty rules<333

Thu, 16 Oct 2003 11:21:32 GMT

DarbyKray: ******** looks like a 50 yr old woman with a blown out ass and too much makeup

i fucking miss this girl more than anything.

..some people need a little challenge to their fantasies at home..

Wed, 15 Oct 2003 10:49:34 GMT

im turning in an application today.
and i've been told by three employees that i will get hired.
so its pretty much official.

and im fucking nervous...

because this will be the BEST job i have EVER had. and i will be making so much fuckin bank.

but im not even trying to jinx myself. so that's all im gonna say about that.

..tonight..

Fri, 03 Oct 2003 23:50:32 GMT

swooning i am swept away
swept off my feet
with step by step by step we take the lead
as drop by drop we start to bleed

so who will follow? who is the lead?
i know i'll leave a stain
because i bleed as we dance
we all dance
we all have no chance in this horrid romance

avenged sevenfold is tonight. im fucking excited. four times in the last year and a half. not bad. and then we're hitting up hot pink OR christies. 80s dance club or hot ass strip club. decisions decisions!

there's only one dance i really care to see.
has anyone else noticed that in romance there is always
the one. and
the one that got away.
?

im out. oh, and. i love coty and laura more than life itself<3

and.
i want the one that got away.

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 00:52:42 GMT

+ name. caryn.
+ birthday. june 27.
+ nicknames. carebear. desi.
+ location. tucson arizona.
+ what are you doing right now? talking to siera, listening to guns n roses, and waiting for my dad to get home.
+ what are you wearing? stretch jeans. new york dolls tube top. belts.
+ do you smoke drink or do drugs? drugs? its all about the THUGS baby!

what comes to mind when you hear these names..

+ blair. tricias friend.
+ shannon. fuckin crazy ass ho.
+ thomas. coty.
+ scott. nothing.
+ lawrence. haha no..
+ aaron. fuck you.
+ heather. old friend.
+ chris. mmmm.
+ mallory. fat bitch from milwuakee.
+ chaquita. bananas. duh.

when was the last time you..

+ showered. today.
+ kissed some one. brad.. last week i think.
+ went to a movie. i think the last time was lizzie mcguire.
+ cried. last sunday.
+ talked on the phone. i talked to drew a bit ago.
+ paged someone. :\
+ lied. i dont remember.
+ cheated on someone. :x
+ ate nerds. oooh forever ago.
+ drank welchs grape juice. forever ago.
+ watched the country channel. i dont watch it.
+ shaved ANY part of you body and what part. today. and i shaved ALL the places that a girl should shave. and why the fuck would you even ask this question?

relationships

+ do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. no..
+ whats there name. there? ew. GRAMMAR SCHOOL.
+ how long have you been going out. shut up.
+ have you ever been in love. yes.
+ who was the best kisser. ian.
+ have you ever cheated on them. i cheat on everyone.
+ whats your favorite thing to do with that special someone. SEX. and be seen.
+ whats the best present youve gotten from someone. i dunno.
+ what qualities do you like in a guy or girl. lots.

friendships

+ whose your best friend. coty.
+ what makes your best friend. she is fucking amazing. the strongest, most beautiful, and funnest person i have ever met.
+ what do you guys do for fun. a whole lot of nothing.. and it's still fun.
+ who is your oddest friend. melissa<33
+ who is your funniest. laura!!! melissa and coty.
+ who is your happiest friend. probably brandon?
+ who is your most annoying friend. umm i dunno.
+ who is always there for you. coty and the rest of the east end girls.
+ best guy friend. jorge.
+ friend who could be more. i wont answer that because i really dont wanna jinx it.

more.

+ number of times I have been in love. once. and only once.
+ number of times I have had my heart broken. too many to count.
+ number of hearts I have broken. i break a LOT of hearts.
+ number of boys I have kissed. too many to count.
+ number of girls I have kissed. a few.
+ number of men I've slept wit. none of your business.
+ number of continents lived on. one. the only one with the only country that matters.
+ number of drugs taken illegally. pretty much everything aside from h.
+ number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends. 2?
+ number of people I consider my enemies. too many.
+ number of people from high school that I stayed in contact with. a few.
+ number of cd's that I own. too fuckin many.
+ number of piercings. seven.
+ number of tattoos. two.
+ number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper. i dont know??
+ number of scars on my body. a few :\ sheesh this is lame.
+ number of things in my past that I regret. not many.

soo im just waiting for my car so i can head up to see my wife<33 and then at midnight we are picking drew up from the bus station.

time needs to go by faster damnit.

my niggas.. we the last ones left. and life goes on.

Sat, 13 Sep 2003 12:48:18 GMT

so tonight ended up being a blast. we didn't see any bands play because the venue sold out. so coty and krissy and i just hung around outside and waited for afterhours to come. coty bought me a hustler with nikki and donna on the cover. god, i love coty. she is the best<3

some faggot hit my jesse inside.. so they confronted him after the show. and some random dude ended up fighting him.. and it was LAME. because they both were hitting like little girls. slapping and kicking and pulling hair. but it was still amusing. and somewhat bloody.

at one we hit up boom for hot pink. and it was.. amazing!

coty is a muthafuckin PIMP. she gets the hottest rockstars.

doc bought me beer and i ended up getting kind of drunk. even though i hardly drank. my tolerance for alcohol keeps getting less and less every day.
the best part of the night was when they played guns n roses.
and all the times krissy got up on the platforms and pole danced.

saw alvin, nate, mike, and colby. HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLBY<3

all in all.. the night was amazing. i decided im going to drag drew there when he's here.

this is a once in a lifetime on livejournal kind of thing coming from me..

Sat, 06 Sep 2003 00:15:19 GMT

this is completely random. but it was brought to my attention recently.. and usually i don't throw my two cents into shit like this. i've lost friends over politics and personal interest.. but this is different. and i actually felt sick after i looked into it...

there's an organization in america that promotes and advocates the legalization of men having sex with boys as young as EIGHT years old.. yes. im not lying. EIGHT YEARS OLD. the north american man-boy love association. this group is based on the idea that men as old as 60 are right in having sexual attractions to children. that they HAVE the right to act on such attractions.
an organization of PEDOPHILES who actually inculcate that these perverse feelings are to be respected, accepted, and tolerated. even worse is that there are public figures and lawyers, on top of MEMBERS OF THE ACLU [i shit you not] who not only agree with these teachings, but who put the rights of "special interests" ahead of the safety and well being of children.
somewhere along the line, these feelings and actions have ceased to be viewed as wrong, hurtful, and brutal.

if you look back thirty years, you will see how different things were. once untolerated, deviant behavior towards children is now not only understood.. but even ACCEPTED. don't believe me? simply put a "disease" or a "condition" on the victimizer and suddenly they are excused. it doesn't matter the crime.. rape.. murder. no difference. look up andrea yates. and the sympathizers and supporters are endless. what she did was "understood." and thats only one of hundreds just like her. the point is, thirty years ago such behavior would have been condemned. today society has somehow lowered the welfare and devalued the lives of children in favor of these behaviors. when did we allow children being abused, molested, and even murdered to be excused? this disgusts me.

and nambla is an organization that encourages these actions. sex with children is not a crime? give me a fucking break. and then we have the aclu BACKING these criminals?

i can't comprehend how an organization promoting the rape of children, and.. in regards to convincing children to give up their bodies, even giving "how-to" lessons, can be tolerated or accepted. and if you need to, you can lurk around on namblas website. it's all there.

northamericanmanboyloveassociation

"girls like you are few and far between."

Wed, 03 Sep 2003 12:42:39 GMT

crushes are only supposed to last maybe a few weeks. it's been over eight months.

.. i just realized that i really like him.

Tue, 02 Sep 2003 09:44:36 GMT

you are UNBREAKABLE, shit, you are a tough mother
fucker and maybe even straight edge. you are
awesome, Go you.

What Tucson band are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahaha not really but i DO love me some beau and drew and cole. i guess that counts?
[and jesse. i fucking love jesse.]

Tue, 02 Sep 2003 03:30:04 GMT

my pain doesn't compare to hers, it doesn't even come close. but the pain im feeling FOR her is probably the worst pain i've ever felt.

she means so much to me.

and today i talked to god. i havent done that in forever.

and today i cried when i did.

and i haven't done that.. ever.
.never.
....

i wont tell anybody

Mon, 01 Sep 2003 11:45:23 GMT

allieveraskofyou. isonethingthatyouneverdo.

...oh but im so very sickened oh i am so sickened now.
imsosorry.

Tue, 26 Aug 2003 13:42:32 GMT

the new transplants video [sorry.. RANCID] is really depressing. and... gross. yes. very gross.

so between the buried and me were awesome. coty and i got lost in the actual city part of phoenix. it was amazing. and it made me even more excited about going to new york in october. and us going to new york in october makes all of you.. JEALOUS. and then i talked to drew again. which just added to the excitement.

we're going to san diego this weekend. hot bitches. hot bands. and lots of hot straight edge boys. friday needs to come. and NOW.

holy shit! <3

Thu, 21 Aug 2003 03:36:49 GMT

GREEN DAY. HELL YEAH. THATS RIGHT MUTHAFUCKAS.

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your username</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your age</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">17</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your nickname</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Punky Hottie </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Your favorite band</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Green Day </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">What you wear to try to get backstage</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Booty shorts with "Hottie" on the butt </td></tr>

Find your inner teeniebopper by clinicallydorky

Created with quill18's MemeGen!

GAY survey!

Fri, 15 Aug 2003 04:24:45 GMT

WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK Of
Tim: bananas.
Rob: skinhead/hardcore rob. and dogs..
Drew: is fucking awesome. new york in october, woo!
Stephanie: tanner.
Heather: nazi biiitch.
Aaron: i want to slit his fucking throat.
Amy: fat girls.
Will: black man.
Paul: bmx and braces.
Eve: christmas?
John: my brother minus the h.
Lauren: my cousin.
Alex: stupid bitch.
Dave: sleazy!!!
Justin: timberlake. ow ow!

CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT? both.
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE? hot tea!!
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE? ehhh.. no.
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE? strawberry?

( IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU.... )
CRIED? no.
HELPED SOMEONE? sure.
BOUGHT SOMETHING? metal for the masses comp baby!!
GOTTEN SICK? nope.
GONE TO THE MOVIES? no but coty and i have movie nights every night. and they fucking rule.
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? los betos and subway.
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? yes.
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? just email.
TALKED TO AN EX? danny.
MISSED AN EX? i always miss brad.
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? obviously.
TALKED TO SOMEONE YOU CRUSH ON? does email count??
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? coty and i always talk about our plans.
MISSED SOMEONE? most definitely!
HUGGED SOMEONE? yup.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? nope.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? nope.

Would You Ever..
1. Eat a bug? :|
2. Bungee jump? done and done.
3. Hang glide? sure?
4. Kill someone? probably.
5. Have sex with someone you don't love? well duh.
6. Kiss someone of the same sex? um yes.
7. Have sex with someone of the same sex? duhh! do you NOT know who i sleep next to every night?
8. Parachute from a plane? probably. i would also shit my pants.
9. Walk on hot coals? ummmmmmm for money??
10. Go out with someone for their looks? and the sex! for sure.
11. For their reputation? i usually go for guys with bad reputations.. so obviously i don't care much.
12. Be a vegetarian? EVERY BOY SHOULD BE A VEGETARIAN.
13. Wear plaid with stripes? i dont think so.
14. IM a stranger: i don't look for friends online..
15. Sing karaoke? fo sho!!
16. Get drunk off your ass? :O get drunk?! are you serious?? but what if mommy finds out????
17. Shoplift? or make someone do it for me ;)
18. Run a red light? yeah.. and that's why i got a ticket!
19. Star in a porn video? oh baby would i ever! 6 grand a flick?! fuck yeah.
20. Dye your hair blue? i don't know if i'd ever do blue again.. hmmm maybe.
21. Be on Survivor? no.
22. Wear makeup in public? um duh.
23. NOT wear makeup in public? i dont wear it at work..
24. Cheat on a test? fuck yeah.
25. Make someone cry? hahahaha YES.
26. Call your math teacher a motherfucker? i don't know why i would but sure??
27. Kick a baby? :|
28. Date someone more than ten years older than you? for sure!
29. Cuss out a priest? hell yeah.
30. Take a job as a janitor? AHAHAHAHA HARDCORE JANITOR!!! "is that beer i smell?????"
31. Stay up all through the night? you mean like i do every night?

finally.. an update..

Thu, 14 Aug 2003 00:34:01 GMT

past two week breakdown...

integrity was fucking awesome. good music and sooo many good kids. we hit up nicos, of course. and then after everyone headed out coty and i went to subway. midnight ritual! so sitting outside eating and gossiping like always.. and this hot as fuck guy comes out with his buddies. long story short.. coty and i now have a sugar daddy. i thought he was under 24. nope. the guy is 32. do i care? FUCK NO! i need to call his ass and make him pay for my phone bill.

i saw brad at some point. all i remember is him telling me how happy he was that i broke up with him. that was.... nice......

and then george flew in on the fifth. i have missed this guy so fucking much. you people don't even understand! josh and i picked him up, i was running on two hours of sleep. it sucked. and then we headed back to tucson. got ready and he took coty and i out to dinner. so sweet! then we headed back to my house for a hair dye party.

stayed up all night talking and having fun times. when we finally fell asleep we had to wake right back up to head out for phoenix for the virus show. so two hours of sleep from the previous night, plus two more. the drive sucked. we went to siera's house where she ordered us pizza and chicken kickers! i finally started to nap and then drew called to say they were in phoenix. so we got ready and headed out to the mason jar.

which means.. i FINALLY met drew. and that guy is so fucking dope! we got beer and drank in some alley, until the cops showed up. so drew and i went and bought cups and walked around sipping beer through straws for the rest of the night. straight fuckin CLASSY! lots of drama went down. and drew did the best fuckin thing ever for us! seriously.. i can't even say thank you enough to him. that guy is so fucking legit and seriously so god damn nice.

ok so the virus actually happen to be a band that i fucking love. and i've never been able to see them play. so i was obviously stoked.. siera and i sang along the entire time. and jasper sounds REALLY good with them. i was kind of sketchy about the virus minus paul.. but then again i was sketchy about the virus minus mike. im now convinced that with every change in line up they go through... it's for the best.

even though they say otherwise, they put on a great show. the night was fucking amazing.. minus the last hour or so. i wont even get into that.

we slept at nates that night. del taco and movies. best ever! and then spent the whole next day laying in his bed. nate is fucking crazy. how many guys do you know that will put on a thong and a mesh shirt and do a strip tease for you? and then jack off in the bathroom to show you how big his penis is, but while jacking off accidentally blowing his load into the sink? holy shit. that guy is FUN. shadowen is awesome. high five stay alive.. and "this song goes out to my ladies in the bedroom." good times.

so after about 8 or so.. we finally crawled out of bed, and headed out to avenged sevenfold. HOLY SHIT. I LOVE THAT BAND. you people can not even comprehend. only complaint is that they didn't play lips of deceit or an epic of time wasted. but they did, however, play everything else. god i fucking love love love love them!

and thats pretty much the good shit that's happened.
drew and jasper wanted us to go to vegas on monday, which we were definitely up for. minus the fact that my car is a PIECE OF SHIT. it's ok though. because october.. we are going to new york! and i can't fucking wait.